My body and I are at war. I want to go about my life peacefully. My body does not. Here are some of the ways it wages battle against me:
1) When I sneeze, I sneeze violently. And not only do I sneeze violently, I sneeze multiple times (my family swears that five is the magic number-my dad does the same thing). I have hit my head on the steering wheel or dashboard several times thanks to particularly explosive sneezes. There is no discernible cause for them either, they just happen. But the weirdest thing of all is that, in the last couple of years, I have developed a yawn that follows every batch of sneezes. People who know me now wait for the yawn to say "Bless you." SO. STRANGE.
2) I am hilariously prone (again, for no apparent reason) to hiccups. They've been happening so much lately that I have received a steady stream of loving ridicule from my family for it. Because I don't just hiccup. Oh no. I squeak. It's like I'm an invisible dog's favorite squeaky toy. It just comes and gnaws on me and I start making these high-pitched mousy noises. Holding my breath doesn't work. Sugar doesn't work. Honey works once in a blue moon. THEY JUST KEEP COMING.
3) Most seriously, annoyingly and probably the source of all my body's displeasure with me is my right arm. I am a writer and an artist and nothing else. This means that my work is also my hobby. So, last year I had the most fantastic realization that I could not just write and draw whenever I wanted. My arm is a muscle too. It needs rest. So while I was an editor, full time Creative Writing/English student, video-game artist, comic artist, and writer all at the same time, my arm decided that it had enough and it was just going to check out for a while. I was in agony. I went to the doctor, who sent me to a physical therapist. He told me, "You are like a marathon runner who never walks." Essentially, I had destroyed every major tendon group in my arm. They couldn't even put a brace on it because any one brace would aggravate other parts of the arm. They told me not to use it until they let me. I had to become left handed. Sad to say, I am not ambidextrous.
And they prescribed physical therapy. I will explain that torture at a later date. Of all the things that I have done to my body, getting punished with physical therapy was the worst. >XC
Right now, as far as the arm is concerned, we are having peace talks in the form of daily RSI exercises. It's going well.
